Tag Archives: Stress

5 Steps To Avoid A Holiday Blowup

9 Nov

The holidays are fast approaching.  In 14 days Thanksgiving will be upon us. As most of us experience, especially Newlyweds, the holidays can cause stress and strain on any

A metaphorical visualization of the word Anger.

relationship.  Whether it’s an old family dispute, inviting in-laws into your home, or cooking for a house-full of people holiday stress is sometimes inevitable.  Unfortunately, stress doesn’t come and go unnoticed, with stress comes anger, blow ups, and hurt feelings. Most women are masters of holding back from their loved ones when they are hurt, angry, or irritated.  But, it has been scientifically proven that it can be harder for men to calm down than it is for women.  Which may cause a person to explode at the wrong time, such as sitting around the Thanksgiving table. The key to avoiding this holiday horror is to not let those feelings fester, by telling your loved one how you feel.

Dr. Nancy Zapolski, a psychologist states that the key to telling a loved one you angry is to remember that “The intention is not to get something off your chest or to dump something on the other person,” she says. “The intention is to restore the affinity and the love in the relationship.”

So how does one go about doing that? Back in April I read an article on Wall Street Journal.com, Friendly Fight: A Smarter Way to Say ‘I’m Angry’.  I thought the steps outlined in the article would be the perfect approach to take in order to avoid a holiday blowup.  Here are 5 steps:

1. Calm down. Take a walk, or get some sleep, to get perspective and allow your emotions to cool. Think about exactly what disappointed you. Ask the other person to talk. Say, ‘When is a convenient time?’

2. Acknowledge the difficulty of having this conversation. ‘This is hard for me to say, and it may be hard for you to hear.’ Saying this out loud will make your words less threatening and defuse the other person’s anger and their possibly defensive reaction.

3. Say ‘I,’ not ‘you.’ Don’t say, ‘You did ___ wrong.’ Say, ‘I felt hurt when you did___.’ ‘When you accuse someone, they have to fight back,’When you share what you feel underneath, it gives the other person some room.’

4. Find out why. Ask for the other person’s point of view. Say, ‘I know you probably didn’t mean to hurt me. Why did you do it?’ Really listen to the answer.

5. Say everything. This is your chance to put it all on the table and talk about how you can change the situation in the future. ‘Could you please do this differently next time?’ A hug wouldn’t hurt.

Enhanced by ZemantaWhat do you think, will they work?  How do you express stress or anger?

Damn UPS

24 Dec

Every year I say I’m not going to get stressed about the holidays, I’m going to chill and not get worked up over things that are out of my control. Of course that doesn’t happen and I end up stressing about one thing or another. This year it was package delivery.
I ordered several gifts from Amazon (I seriously LOVE Amazon.com). If I couldn’t shop anywhere else but Amazon for the rest of m life I would be perfectly fine with that. I would even order my groceries from them 🙂 Monday, Amazon like many other online retailers, began slashing the cost of overnight and 2 day shipping. So, I ordered a few extra gifts for my family, assured that I would recieve them by Wednesday, which was ideal because were leaving to go to Jacksonville today. One packed was delayed by a day 😦 I’m not mad at Amazon, they did their part, but I am totally pissed at the Boys in Brown. How are you going to mistakenly leave my package in a facility in Clearwater? Please tell me how does that happen? I religiously tracked that package from Phoenix, to Louisville, the Altamonte, which is 4 miles away from my house. How did the package end up 100 miles south of me? How? It was right in my backyward, and now it’s in a totally different city?

I never have these problems with FedEx – seriously. I love Fedex, they are right on time. I never have issues with them losing packages, and forgetting them in different cities. It just doesnt happen with Fedex. Now, I’ll have a package sitting on my doorstep for 4 days 😦 Uuugh, but what can I do now? Not much since were on the road now. I’m going to just enjoy Christmas with my family, and deal with it when I get back 🙂

Am I the only one with package handling problems? LOL!!

In search of a Stress-Free Christmas

10 Sep

I love my peoples, but my peoples coupled with the holiday’s equals stress.

Last year Dr. B and I zig-zagged between my mom and his parents during the holidays.  It was nice to be with family, but it was also exhausting.  Oddly

Dr. B showing off his Xmas gifts last year 🙂

enough we weren’t even married.  We decided that we wanted a stress-free holiday. No trauma, drama, or dilemma. So, were planning on going to Los Angeles during Christmas.  I’ve never traveled to California, mush less LA, so I’m definitely excited about this trip!  *yep, yep* Just me and my husband!  We plan on sightseeing, going to Disney Land, and just having fun.

I know there are going to be haters, family members that think were being selfish, but, so. what.  🙂  We hosted Christmas dinner last year, and it was just uugh overwhelming and stressful at times.

It may seem a bit early to be thinking about Christmas, but, were in the process of booking the hotel and flight, so thought I would share my feelings and ask your opinion.

How do you feel about vacationing (away from family) during Christmas, or Thanksgiving, have you done so before?

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Biking Bliss: Taking Time Out Together

20 Jul
Vector image of two human figures with hands i...

Image via Wikipedia

It’s strange how sometimes the simplest things mean the most to you.  On Saturday Dr. B and I slept late then lounged in bed until about noon.  Then we went on an hour-long bike ride through our surrounding neighborhoods.  We took a slower pace than usual, which gave us the opportunity to take in our surrounding, enjoy the scenery, and talk.  I had the wonderful time with my husband!   Which…um…seems a little odd because we bike together all the time.   It’s nothing new or special, we’ve been biking since we first met.  But, it was just ‘something’ about this particular ride, that made me feel so much more closer to Dr. B.  Maybe it was the opportunity to talk and share as we rode along?

There are a few lessons learned from Saturday, such as perhaps Dr. B and I aren’t taking the time to have meaningful conversations throughout the week.  And when I mean meaningful I’m speaking in terms of conversations that don;t include work, money, or other people’s problems.   Life comes at you fast, so it’s important to engage in meaningful conversations, and recreational activities as a couple.  I believe it’s especially important for newlyweds to make the most of the early years, as you are setting the foundation for many years to come.  Once that time is gone…it’s gone!

On Bethenny Getting Married (yes, I do watch this show), Bethenny talks to new husband about being nervous about missing out on their “newly wed” years because she already expecting.  Here’s a short clip:

Vodpod videos no longer available.

I did a little research on working out together and came across this a great article on ‘Life Mojo’ about working out together.  The author lists the benefits of working out together as a couple.  Here is an excerpt from the article:

“When we exercise the brain releases chemicals which stir up feelings of happiness, thus reducing stress and tension. These chemicals also increase arousal and libido. Studies show that partners who enjoy exercising together report having better sexual relations with each other thus deepening their bond.”

How important is for couple, especially newlyweds, to spend recreation time together?  What about the husbands that spend Saturday morning playing golf, is that justified if the wife doesn’t enjoy golf?  I’m curious to hear your opinions….

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