A few months before we were married, Dr. B and I read a book together called His Needs Her Needs. Have you read it, you really should, it’s quite good. In this book the author, Willard Harley Jr., discusses the top 5 needs of men and women when they are in a relationship. I have to be honest until I read the book, my list would have been different. But after reading it, I saw how issues can arise if those needs aren’t met. Now that I’m married I definitely can see that I need these five needs met by Dr. B. (BTW honey your doing a great job!)
Let me know what you think. Do you have the same needs that are on the list, are they different?
#5 For her man to be a good father
#4 Financial Security
#3 Transparency, openness and honesty in her man
why I Love Dr. B more today than I did yesterday:
1. This morning he brought me a cup of coffee in bed.
2. As he was walking out the house to go to work he started singing (for no apparent reason) the Bed Intruder Song.
3. After he left the optometrist today he txt me this: “I can see! Woohoo!”
I can’t help but I LOVE this man!
What random things does your SO do, that makes you love them even more?
I’ve mentioned before how Dr. B and I are taking the Marriage Mojo course offered by Simple Marriage. The last lesson I blogged about, we each wrote down what our dream marriage looked like, and shared our vision with each other. It was a good eye-opening, bond-building experience, especially for me. My husband really, really, really loves the heck out of me:-) I highly recommend that you try this exercise, it will be a great experience for you and your husband or fiance.
So, Tuesday we were especially excited for lesson #5 titled Simple Romance. This lesson focused on bringing the romance back using a novel approach: Simplicity. We had to pick a romantic activity from the list below, and do it tonight during our 15 minute session.
- Look through photo albums together
- Do what she likes for the night
- Do what he likes for the night
- Make out!
- Go to the park and push each other on the swings
- Go for a walk and hold hands
- Give each other a quick massage
- Have a glass of wine on the back deck
- Listen to music you enjoyed while you were dating
- Enjoy a bath…together
Dr. B and I decided that we would take turns. He would choose an activity one night and I would choose one for the next night. I thought “cool” I figured he would probably choose either the massage or the bubble bath. To my surprise, when he came home from work he had a bouquet of flowers, two bottles of wine, and a card! (Gotta love this man)! He explained that he wanted us to go through all of our pictures, then pick 5 of each other, and write a caption about why we chose that picture. We decided we would make a gallery and upload the pictures and captions. Oh, and we would do this while sitting out back, and drinking a few glasses of wine. I loved the idea of being creative and romantic at the same time. Of course Dr. B. went above and beyond with his video, but I was his muse so I’m not complaining :-) Tell me what do you think….
I’m don’t pretend to love country music, but I am a fan of Dollie Parton and Bonnie Raitt, especially Bonnie’s heart wrenching song, I Can’t Make You Love Me. If your too young to remember, here are the lyrics:
turn down the lights
turn down the bed
turn down these voices
inside my head
lay down with me
tell me no lies
just hold me close
don’t patronize me
i can’t make you love me if you don’t
you can’t make your heart feel
somethin’ it wont
here in the dark,in these final hours
i will lay down my heart
and feel the power if you wont
no you wont
cuz i can’t make you love me
if you don’t
i’ll close my eyes
then i wont see
the love you dont feel
when your holdin’ me
morning will come
and i’ll do whats right
just give me till then
to give up this fight
and i will give up this fight
The reason, I brought up this song is because Dr. B delivered some shocking news to me this morning, a couple whom we dearly love and care for are getting separated. Dr. B was told by one of the spouses that the other said they were no longer in love. As we discussed this turn of events, Dr. B brought up the Bonnie Raitt song – I Can’t Make You Love Me. It’s a fundamental truth that you cannot make someone love you. Even after 20 years of being together. If your spouse has lost the desire, the fight, the fire to continue loving you (we all know that truly loving someone is a conscious decision you make everyday), then why stay? I don’t believe you can continue to stay in a marriage knowing that your spouse does not love you, and there isn’t anything you can do about it. Isn’t that what life is all about, Love?
I guess we saw it coming. Over the past few months, being around this couple was “hard”, as one would belittle, and berate the other without rhyme or reason. I guess that sometimes in a marriage a couple simply grows apart–for whatever reasons. So ultimately it’s up to you to decide what you’re going to do. Whatever decision this couple makes isn’t going to be an easy one.
What advice or words of wisdom can you give to this couple? The floor is your….