Tag Archives: marriage

A Childfree Marriage is Still Complete Without Kids

12 Jan

Francesa at Newlyweds.About.com posted a great Q and A article with author Ellen L. Walker based on her new book “Complete without Kids“.  As you know having a childfree, as opposed to childless, marriage was a decision Dr. B and I made early on in our relationship. After we were married I was often confronted  with the dreaded question, “when are you having children?”  😦  I was even told that I our decision was weird.  So, it’s nice to see someone confronting this sensitive topic, and it was great to read the encouraging comments from Francesca’s readers.  I’m definitely going to buy this book which Amazon sells for only $10.17, for my childfree arsenal 🙂

Childless Marriage – Q and A with Complete without Kids Author Ellen L. Walker.


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Five iTunes Podcasts For Married Couples

5 Jan
The icon used by Apple to represent Podcasting.
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I recently subscribed to a few marriage podcasts that I though I would share with you.  I have included a link to the podcast on iTunes and to the website (for those who do not have an iTunes account…tsk tsk).

Marriage Talk Building Healthy Relationships:  This podcast is hosted by the Marriage Resource Center.  It focuses on a variety of topics from finances, sex, fighting, and many of marriage-related topics.  There are currently 59 episodes posted on iTunes.

Sexual Intimacy in Marriage:  This podcast currently has 10 episodes available on iTunes.  It is hosted by Dr. Liz Hale and author Laura Brotherson a Certified Family Life Educator. In their podcast  they discuss the delicate subject of sexual intimacy with candor and reverance. Laura has a website, StrenghteningMarriage.com, which lists several different marriage resources.

The Michelle Hughes Show: This is an interactive talk radio show, that airs on WQHV every Sunday at 9:00 P.M.  Michelle is a lifestyles and relationship expert.  She focuses on the issues of life and exploring the soultions to your individual uniqueness as a person as it pertain to your marriage. This show is also listed on BlogTalk Radio, and currently has over 200 episodes on iTunes.

Stay Happily Married:Is a marriage and relationship resource for couples seeking marriage counseling and growth.  There are 140 Episodes on iTuns that range in topic such as: “To the In-Laws House We Go”, and “Saturday Night’s Alright for Fighting.” The website is StayHappilyMarried.com.

Marriage Uncensored With Dave and Christie: Dr. Dave Currie and Christie Rayburn, along with their guests, deal with the real issues that face marriages today.  Marriage Uncensored has 55 episodes listed on iTunes.  This podcast is affiliated with the Family Life website.

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My Sustainable Marriage

4 Jan

The NY Times website has an article titled “Sustainable Love”.  In it the author Tara Parker discusses the concept of self-expansion.  Self-expansion is a “process in which  individuals use a relationship to accumulate knowledge and experiences.”  The article sates that research shows that the more self-expansion people experience from their partner, the more committed and satisfied they are in the relationship.

I can definitely say that in the year and half that I’ve known Dr. B I have definitely experienced new experiences, learned many new things from him, and continue to grow as a person.  In my single years, I preferred to date guys that had experienced more things than I had so that I could learn a thing or two from them, but whom I could also teach them a few things.  Dr. B and I have that continuous flow of learning and teaching to and from each other.

You can read the article in it’s entirety here, but here is an excert:

If you’re seeking self-growth and obtain it from your partner, then that puts your partner in a pretty important position. And being able to help your partner’s self-expansion would be pretty pleasing to yourself.

Partners involved in novel and interesting experiences together were more likely to pick one of the overlapping circles and less likely to report boredom. People have a fundamental motivation to improve the self and add to who they are as a person.  If your partner is helping you become a better person, you become happier and more satisfied in the relationship.

To learn more about your own relationship, take the quiz to measure how much it expands your knowledge and makes you feel good about yourself. The quiz was developed by Gary W. Lewandowski Jr., associate psychology professor at Monmouth University in New Jersey.

I scored a 67, and a 60 or above means:

60 and above — Highly Expansive. You are gaining a lot of new experiences and reaching new goals as a result of your relationship. Chances are you have a happier, more sustainable relationship as a result.

How sustainable is your marriage or relationship?  Do you look at it as a self-serving union?  Take the quiz and let me know what you score.

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2010, A Year to Remember

29 Dec

Remember when you made BIG plans for New Year’s Eve?  When you and your friends had to find the best spot in town to ring in the new year?  I remember those days fondly 🙂  Some years I would have a shindig at my house, other years I would go out on the town. One year I even went to church with my oldest sister (that was really nice).

This year that I will be spending New Year‘s eve with my new husband. WOW, I have a husband?  What a difference a year makes.   Last year this time we had been dating for six months, and now a year later were Mr. and Mrs. Williams.  We went from dating, to engaged, and finally to being married in a year’s time.  I honestly don’t want this year to end.  Needless to say it’s one of THE BEST year’s of my life.  I do look forward to 2011 and having another fruitful year with Dr. B, but oh how I wish the 2010 whirlwind would never end.  I know our marriage will continue to grow and get better, I will grow and become a better wife.  Yes, I ‘m looking forward to the future, but, damn 2010 was great!

Are you ready to start the 2011, or was 2010 so good you don’t want it to end?

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Fusion…Marriage Killer or Marriage Builder?

6 Dec

As I have previously blogged before, I’m a big fan of the website Simple Marriage, so I  subscribe to their email newsletter.  Last night I read the article The Biggest Marriage Killer which focuses on the concept of a “fused marriage”. The main point was the more fused your marriage was, the less likely you and your spouse would have interesting, and fulfilling lives apart from each other. Here is an excert from the article:

When you first met your spouse, ideally you were both living interesting and fulfilling lives. These lives were an important part of what made you attractive to each other. But often, as your relationship progresses with each other, you let go of what used to be important and fulfilling to you for the sake of the relationship.

When this happens it creates two problems.

You are each no longer the person the other was originally attracted to.
As each of you give up important things in your life, you often expect the other person to fill the void. This is a heavy burden to place on any one person. It creates neediness and dependency, as well as resentment and boredom.
One of the biggest killers of passion in marriage is all the meaningless time spouses spend together. And it is actually this type of tensionless coexistence that defines most marriages today.

You need to live an interesting, fulfilling life beyond your intimate relationship.

It got me thinking about my marriage.  I’m 6 months into a fulfilling and happy marriage, as Dr. B says, “This is good stuff” 🙂  Our marriage is great!  We do practically everything together – and we both thoroughly enjoy it.  I don’t feel the need to go out and do something apart from my husband just to “create” a separate, meaningful life.  Perhaps it’s because not only is my marriage “new” (6 months), but so is our entire relationship (1.5 years).  Should I fear marriage “fusion” in the next 3 ,5 or  7 years?  Does spending a lot of time together equal a dull marriage?

Dr. B and I enjoy doing a multitude of things together, we have common interests, friends, etc, etc…. We also have very separate interests and hobbies that we continue to enjoy.  For example I love shopping, and he doesn’t 🙂  I guess I’m wondering how something so good, can be so bad?  Is fusion a marriage killer or builder?

Thoughts, comments, or questions?  What’s your take on the article?

By the way…Check out Dr. B’s latest blog post, How to Deal with a Bad Boss

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Newlywed’s Christmas Shopping for Family and Friends

10 Nov

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There are 45 more days until Christmas and I’m already feeling the pressure of buying Christmas Gifts.  Dr. B and I both come from large families, he has four brothers and I have three sisters and one brother, for a total of 8 siblings that we have to buy presents for.  Not to mention parents, nieces, nephews and cousins. 😦  This is our first Christmas as a married couple, and we want to give everyone something special, without breaking our budget.  Like most newlyweds, were working on building our nest egg, and our emergency savings.

Whatever we decide has to fit into our holiday budget that I setup.  Each week we put money into a savings account solely designated for buying Christmas presents.  I believe this is the only way we will be able to buy “a little something” for everyone on our lists.  And because we are traveling during the holidays (I blogged about that here) , the Xmas present budget is smaller than we would like it – but we figure, it’s better than nothing.

And, since we are traveling during the holidays, I’m contemplating not buying a Christmas tree.  Last year we brought a live tree.  This year I think it might be a waste of money since we won’t be here, and were not hosting either Thanksgiving or Christmas at our house…..So, the tree is probably out.  I’ll  see how Dr. B feels about it.

Oh, and one last thing…Dr. B’s Christmas gift.  I told him the other day that he didn’t have to buy me a gift.  As I mentioned above were going to be traveling a lot during the holidays, and that is gift enough for me.  But, knowing him..he will still buy me a little something.  So, I’m going to buy him a little something too 😉

Are you and your husband (or significant other) exchanging gifts this Christmas?  How do you going to handle buying gifts for your families?  I need a few suggestions for inexpensive gifts for our siblings, any ideas?

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Changing of the Guard: Managing our Marriage Finances

4 Nov

Today is the day I officially I begin my job as household Money Czar.  Up until today Dr. B has handled all of our finances, from the budgeting to the bill paying, but today I will take on all financial tasks, including saving and investing for our future.  From the beginning of our relationship Dr. B always said this is “our” money, and I was the one that could not conceptualize the idea since I did not work and bring home a paycheck every two weeks.

At the beginning of the year he even asked me to handle the finances and I balked at the idea. Granted, I always had a say in our money matters.  I just didn’t have, neither did I want to, physically be the one responsible.  Plus, I had the chauvinistic attitude that men handled money better than women (go figure).  Not to say I didn’t know where every single cent went, or that I didn’t have complete access to all of our account… Since then, we have gotten engaged, married, and “settled” into married life.  Over the the months my confidence in my money abilities have increased (as I have become quite the bargain shopper), so I asked Dr. B if the offer still stood, and he enthusiastically said “yes.”  So all this week I’ve been working our budget spreadsheets, organizing our bank accounts, pouring over monthly statements, and researching  various retirement strategies…and I love it!  The other day, Dr. B said he was actually excited, because he knew the I would do such a great job with our finances. 🙂  It is a great feeling to have a husband who totally trusts your judgment.  In addition I believe it has brought us closer as a couple, what can be more personal, intimate, and humbling than money?

My husband really, really, wants to buy an RV next year so that we can travel to all the University of Florida football games and we can, as he says “tailgate in style.”  I have a strong desire to make that dream a reality for him.  He doesn’t ask for much, but darn sure deserves it and much, much more.  I going to work overtime as the money czar to get him that RV.

Many people look at our marriage and wonder why a thirty-something, woman, with no kids, working on her PhD would want to be a stay-at-home wife.  I am a traditional, but far from old-fashioned.  My husband is the head of the household…but I control the purse strings 🙂

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