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5 Steps To Avoid A Holiday Blowup

9 Nov

The holidays are fast approaching.  In 14 days Thanksgiving will be upon us. As most of us experience, especially Newlyweds, the holidays can cause stress and strain on any

A metaphorical visualization of the word Anger.

relationship.  Whether it’s an old family dispute, inviting in-laws into your home, or cooking for a house-full of people holiday stress is sometimes inevitable.  Unfortunately, stress doesn’t come and go unnoticed, with stress comes anger, blow ups, and hurt feelings. Most women are masters of holding back from their loved ones when they are hurt, angry, or irritated.  But, it has been scientifically proven that it can be harder for men to calm down than it is for women.  Which may cause a person to explode at the wrong time, such as sitting around the Thanksgiving table. The key to avoiding this holiday horror is to not let those feelings fester, by telling your loved one how you feel.

Dr. Nancy Zapolski, a psychologist states that the key to telling a loved one you angry is to remember that “The intention is not to get something off your chest or to dump something on the other person,” she says. “The intention is to restore the affinity and the love in the relationship.”

So how does one go about doing that? Back in April I read an article on Wall Street, Friendly Fight: A Smarter Way to Say ‘I’m Angry’.  I thought the steps outlined in the article would be the perfect approach to take in order to avoid a holiday blowup.  Here are 5 steps:

1. Calm down. Take a walk, or get some sleep, to get perspective and allow your emotions to cool. Think about exactly what disappointed you. Ask the other person to talk. Say, ‘When is a convenient time?’

2. Acknowledge the difficulty of having this conversation. ‘This is hard for me to say, and it may be hard for you to hear.’ Saying this out loud will make your words less threatening and defuse the other person’s anger and their possibly defensive reaction.

3. Say ‘I,’ not ‘you.’ Don’t say, ‘You did ___ wrong.’ Say, ‘I felt hurt when you did___.’ ‘When you accuse someone, they have to fight back,’When you share what you feel underneath, it gives the other person some room.’

4. Find out why. Ask for the other person’s point of view. Say, ‘I know you probably didn’t mean to hurt me. Why did you do it?’ Really listen to the answer.

5. Say everything. This is your chance to put it all on the table and talk about how you can change the situation in the future. ‘Could you please do this differently next time?’ A hug wouldn’t hurt.

Enhanced by ZemantaWhat do you think, will they work?  How do you express stress or anger?

Georgia on My Mind

10 Jan

This weekend Dr. B and I drove up to Savannah, GA for my sister-in-law’s surprise 40th bash. It was such a wonderful event, she had absolutely no clue what was going on.  It was something short of a miracle that no one gave away the surprise.

My sister-in-law is like a my blood sister to me.  I admire her, and I’m motivated by her.  She is a very beautiful person inside and out.  Over 100 friends and family came out to celebrate of birthday, but also to celebrate the wonderful, loving, and caring person that she is!

She has weathered many storms with grace, faith, and no complaints, while at the same time helping and encouraging others. She is a great person and wonderful friend!

When she first walked into the banquet hall, look how surprised she is!

Me and my sister-in-law, with her sister and best friend behind us.


The birthday girl on the dancefloor!

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It’s Monday…Here’s What I’m Reading

20 Dec

Like many people, I have a hectic four days ahead of me. Tons of schoolwork that I’m racing to finish before Christmas.  So that I can relax, and enjoy the time I will have with my family, instead of focusing on my assignments.  Needless to say I don’t have much for you today, except for a few links from blog posts that I read today.  They are definitely worth a worth a click to two…enjoy!

Both of these are by my husband Dr. B, who blogs about personal and professional productivity

Here is a post by Cindy, Today’s Sermon, its a touching account of her recent spiritual revelation.

Looking for a good reicipe? Try the cream cheese coffee cake posted, on What I Crave.  It looks delicious!  I think it would make a great treat for it the morning after Christmas.

Lastly, this post Cocktail Hour by Fashion in Motion is a couple of weeks old, but it has some great cocktail dresses if your still seeking a cute one for New Years Eve!  I especially like the Bradley Mischka, beaded and feathered dress (it’s purple and black)! OOh! that dress would legs would look a mile long 🙂

Have a great Monday!!!!

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It’s a Crockpot Monday

22 Nov

It’s one of Those Mondays for me. 😦  I had a fantastic weekend at the classic.  The RV was fantastic, and the jello shots were a hit ( I made 100 freaking jello shots)!  But, today…uuugh, today I am not in the mood for much of anything.

My day started out, by attending the funeral of our good friend’s (who is also one of my husband’s employees) grandmother with Dr. B.  She was Puerto Rican and the service was held at a catholic church.  It was my first time attending any type of service in a catholic Puerto Rican service.  The looks of gratitude that we received for being there, was especially touching.  The entire service was spoken in Spanish (of which my vocabulary is limited) so, every time we bowed our heads in prayer, I used the opportunity to thank God for life, love, family, and friends.

Now, I working on my final paper for my Complex Systems course which ends this week.  I feel like I’ve been working on this things for years, but its only been a few months.  I’m just so ready to be done.  My original plan was to have it completed by last week, so I wouldn’t have to race to finish it right before Thanksgiving…so much for plans.  Luckily I have a high A in the class, so if I don’t knock this paper out the park, I will still do good in the class.  I know it’s not the best attitude to have as a PhD student, but… oh well.

Oh yeah, Thanksgiving.  I have yet to go to the grocery store and buy all of the ingredients for what I’m cooking.  I’m just glad were not hosting Turkey day at our house. Everyone is cooking at home then taking everything down to my in-laws house.  I’m still woefully unprepared at this point.  But, I am looking forward to spending time with Dr. B’s side of the family.

Whoever invented the crock pot – THANK YOU! 🙂   Crock pots were invented for Mondays like I am having today.  Those types of Monday’s where I’m in no mood to stand in front of the stove and cook.  Monday’s are very stressful, and hectic for Dr. B (he went to work after the funeral), so I love for him to come how to a nice meal.  Being that I don’t do takeout or anything like that, I turned to my trusty crock pot for help.  A few months ago I found a great recipe on for (I have been using that website since 2006), pollo (chicken) fricassee from Puerto Rico.  The main ingredient in the dish is Sofrito, which consists of garlic, onion, and tomatoes cooked in olive oil, and is used as the base for many dishes.   I figure it was a fitting tribute to our friend and his grandmother, plus it is Dr. B’s favorite chicken dish that I make.  As I type work on my paper, the house is filled with wonderful smells of pollo fricassee from Puerto Rico!  Here is a link to the recipe if you interested. I follow one of the readers comments and added beer and white wine to the sauce, it’s delicious!

My pollo fricassee coming along nicely!

How is your Monday shaping up…what’s for dinner?

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My sister, A Festival, and Plenty of Wine!

12 Nov

Me and Tresha at the Winter Garden Music Festival

This is going to be a great weekend. My oldest sister is coming to spend the weekend with us.  We’re going to the Orlando Food and Wine Festival with a group of our friends.  Dr. B and I love, love, love for my sis to come with us to these types of events, since she is the ultimate socialite – I mean ultimate.

She can have a one-on-one conversation anyone.  It’s a great gift that I envy, although I consider myself to be a pretty social person.  Unlike her, I cannot walk up to a person and start a conversation about their outfit, or hair, or the weather… but my sister can.  She can find something that she has in common with just about anyone!  When I lived in Jacksonville and we would go shopping, and of course all of the sale clerks knew her on a first-name basis (no lie).  It seems wherever she goes she runs into someone she knows.

My sister is such a fun-loving person to be around.  I’m so fortunate to have such a great relationship with, her and the rest of my siblings. So, I know this is going to be a great weekend.  The weather is going to be beautiful, and I get to hang out with my big sister!

What are you up to this weekend, any festivals going on in your neck of the woods.?

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Newlywed’s Christmas Shopping for Family and Friends

10 Nov

Image via Wikipedia

There are 45 more days until Christmas and I’m already feeling the pressure of buying Christmas Gifts.  Dr. B and I both come from large families, he has four brothers and I have three sisters and one brother, for a total of 8 siblings that we have to buy presents for.  Not to mention parents, nieces, nephews and cousins. 😦  This is our first Christmas as a married couple, and we want to give everyone something special, without breaking our budget.  Like most newlyweds, were working on building our nest egg, and our emergency savings.

Whatever we decide has to fit into our holiday budget that I setup.  Each week we put money into a savings account solely designated for buying Christmas presents.  I believe this is the only way we will be able to buy “a little something” for everyone on our lists.  And because we are traveling during the holidays (I blogged about that here) , the Xmas present budget is smaller than we would like it – but we figure, it’s better than nothing.

And, since we are traveling during the holidays, I’m contemplating not buying a Christmas tree.  Last year we brought a live tree.  This year I think it might be a waste of money since we won’t be here, and were not hosting either Thanksgiving or Christmas at our house…..So, the tree is probably out.  I’ll  see how Dr. B feels about it.

Oh, and one last thing…Dr. B’s Christmas gift.  I told him the other day that he didn’t have to buy me a gift.  As I mentioned above were going to be traveling a lot during the holidays, and that is gift enough for me.  But, knowing him..he will still buy me a little something.  So, I’m going to buy him a little something too 😉

Are you and your husband (or significant other) exchanging gifts this Christmas?  How do you going to handle buying gifts for your families?  I need a few suggestions for inexpensive gifts for our siblings, any ideas?

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Thanks Cindy!

12 Oct

I just want to give a BIG shout out to Cindy over at an Unrelated Side Not.  Cindy has been

Kitty Hug!

praying, and praying for us to sell our house.  Today we have two buyers coming to look at the house. TWO in one day!  We haven’t even had so much as a peek in the last 45 days!  So, I’m feeling really positive about the possibility of getting a contract soon.  Thanks Cindy!


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