A Childfree Marriage is Still Complete Without Kids

12 Jan

Francesa at Newlyweds.About.com posted a great Q and A article with author Ellen L. Walker based on her new book “Complete without Kids“.  As you know having a childfree, as opposed to childless, marriage was a decision Dr. B and I made early on in our relationship. After we were married I was often confronted  with the dreaded question, “when are you having children?”  😦  I was even told that I our decision was weird.  So, it’s nice to see someone confronting this sensitive topic, and it was great to read the encouraging comments from Francesca’s readers.  I’m definitely going to buy this book which Amazon sells for only $10.17, for my childfree arsenal 🙂

Childless Marriage – Q and A with Complete without Kids Author Ellen L. Walker.

 

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8 Responses to “A Childfree Marriage is Still Complete Without Kids”

  1. Cindy January 12, 2011 at 9:53 am #

    Your timing on this is impeccable! Matt and I just made the decision to finally go through with his vasectomy, scheduled for Tuesday, January 25th.

    I’m going to buy this book as well. I’ve always felt like our decision was the right one for us but society makes me feel doubtful sometimes, you know?

    Thanks!

    • Natasha Williams January 12, 2011 at 11:28 am #

      I know exactly how you feel. I too have occasional doubts, but I know that this is the right decision for us.

  2. Tiffany In Houston January 12, 2011 at 11:05 am #

    I know your husband has a daughter but do you mind sharing how you arrived at that decision (if it’s not too personal)??

    • Natasha Williams January 12, 2011 at 11:59 am #

      No Tiffany, it’s definitely not too personal, I’m happy to share. Here are the major factors that led to our decision:

      1. I lacked the desire to have kids. I love kids, I love my nieces and nephews, but I have never, ever had a longing/urge to have any. Even in my early 20’s. My attitude was one that I would have 1 child, if my future husband wanted one, but not because I wanted to have one. I had a desire to be a wife, but not a mother.

      2. My age. I will be 37 in 30 days! If I did want to have a child, I wouldn’t want to have one until we have been married about 3-5 years. By then I would be 40-42 😦 That definitely doesn’t sit well with me. That would mean I would be 47-49 with a child in kindergarten. I can not picture myself running around after a five year old. Plus the fact that my husband is 5 years older than me, we would be too tired to deal with a child at 47 and 52.

      3. Retirement. We want to retire early so that we can travel more. That would definitely be out of the question with a child.

      4. My husband doesn’t want any more children. We discussed the issue of children when we first met. He had a vasectomy about 3 years before he was divorced, but he was willing to have a reversal if I wanted to have children. Even if I wanted to have children and he had the reversal which is about $15k, likelihood of the woman getting pregnant diminishes based on the number of years that have passed since the man had the operation. So, we would be looking at a 30-40% chance of getting pregnant. That would be a strain on the marriage, which I’m not willing to take the risk.

      5. I came from a big family. I am the 2nd oldest out of 5 kids, so I grew up with siblings older and younger than me. While I love my brothers and sisters, I think coming from a big family has certainly been a part of my decision.

      Whew…I should have just written a blog post. 🙂

      • Tiffany In Houston January 12, 2011 at 1:44 pm #

        Gotcha. I too have concerns about my age and getting pregnant but fortunately my husband is open to adoption too. And if I can be blessed to get pregnant and give him a boy, I’m shutting it down. We can adopt the girl.

  3. Natasha Williams January 13, 2011 at 4:53 pm #

    So your going for two? Wouldn’t it be great if you had twins, a boy and a girl, then you would be one and done 🙂

  4. Newlyweds Guide Francesca January 23, 2011 at 3:29 pm #

    Hi Natasha and everyone who commented here – first, thanks for sharing my blog entry and Q&A on your site. Second, I’m honored to be apart of this discussion. I really admire all of you for your honesty about your decision. Right on Natasha! I think you make some excellent points that lots of people forget about when judging those who choose not to have children. We shouldn’t judge one another. We should just embrace each other for our differences.

  5. Donna May 4, 2012 at 2:07 pm #

    My husband and I married when I was 33, first marriage for both. We agreed at the time that if we had not decided to have children by the time I was 40, we would stop considering and live childfree. That’s what happened. I’m 51 now and no regrets.

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