The Black Church and Single Women: A Correlation?

12 Aug

I read an interesting article in CNN today, Does the Black Church Keep Black Women Single? I thought, “here is another article explaining why a majority of black women aren’t married.”  But,after reading the article in it’s entirety, I did see some truth to the claim.  Deborrah Cooper, a dating a relationship columnist, who blogs at is the author behind the claim.  Deborrah states that,

Black women have an inordinate amount of faith in both Black men and Black churches.  My position is that such blind and unwavering faith in either is misplaced.  It is my belief that the Black church, structured around traditional gender roles which makes women submissive to and inferior to men, greatly limits females.  Single Black women sitting in church every Sunday are being subtly brainwashed, soothed and placated into waiting without demand for what they want to magically come to them.  Who is doing this to Black women?  The male standing in the front of the church in the role of spiritual leader, that’s who!

From my own personal experience… when I was searching for a church home I encountered some cult-like churches where the people, not just the women, idolized the pastor *I got up and left in the middle of the service*  So, I can see her point…I know a few single black females who hang on Every.Single.Word. that their pastor says 😦  I remember a time when my former pastor gave a sermon on sex, and he spoke about not having see until your married…ummm…yes I know what the bible says .  But, that easier said than done.  Especially coming from someone who has been married for 15 years (you get yours on the regular…)  Times like that I felt that the church was a “little” out of sync with reality (aka. 2010).

But, alas, I’m not hear to preach the word.  I found a very interesting perspective on the “single Black Female” phenomenon that’s the talk of the media, and I wanted to share it. I’m just happy I’m not a statistic anymore.  🙂

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6 Responses to “The Black Church and Single Women: A Correlation?”

  1. Tiffany In Houston August 12, 2010 at 5:50 pm #

    I could go on and on about this topic but I won’t. Suffice it to say that when I was active with my church’s singles ministry (which wasn’t so long ago) the ratio of women to men was 80/20, sometimes 90/10. It was disheartening to say the least. Not for the hookup ratio, but simply to have balance in the discussion. I used to moderate the singles forums we used to have and nearly all the women used to quote the same chapter and verse of he who finds a wife finds a good thing, which is true. But like I LOVE to say, Jesus is not going to deliver a man to your front door like FedEx. Not surprisingly, many of the single women were not active in other aspects of their lives when it came to being available to meet men, but stayed up in church 24/7/365. I left the singles ministry in early 2009, not because of the participants but because of the church staff, who were extremely reluctant to let us do innovative programming to attact single people to the ministry. And this was a progressive mega-church with tons of single people attending. Black women need to realize that Jesus is our Savior but he is NOT a husband.

    I said I wasn’t going to go on about this but I did. Sorry for blogging in the comments. I need to take this to my own joint. LOL!! 🙂

    • natashawilliams August 12, 2010 at 8:16 pm #

      Right before I moved, the church that I was attending “dismantled” their singles ministry 😦

  2. Happy Nappy Bride August 12, 2010 at 7:20 pm #

    Tiffany’s right. Churches are full of chicks…so that ain’t the place to go if your aim is to find a man. I know that sounds crazy, but I believe it. Now I love the Lord and go to church regularly, but God sent my husband to my job, lol! I met him right down the hall and he loves the Lord too.

    And to article’s point of passivity, I am continually flummoxed by this. These are business women and leaders…movers and shakers. But all of a sudden they’re supposed to sit back? Hmmpft! If your church is like my church, you’ll look around and see a bunch of old single ladies and wonder if they took that same advice.

    • natashawilliams August 12, 2010 at 8:20 pm #

      I know exactly what you mean, I was in no way looking to find a man in church. I mt my husband on And it’s a shame that a lot of black women shun the Internet as an additional avenue to meet eligible men. In 2010 you would be hard-pressed to “not” to know someone who met their significant other online.


  1. Jesus Is Not Your Husband « A (formerly) unemployed bride plans a wedding on a budget. - August 13, 2010

    […] Natasha over at Natasha The Newlywed put up a great post about single black women and the church. The CNN article that she references in her post has been making the rounds for a while now but I […]

  2. 2010 in review « Natasha the Newlywed - January 2, 2011

    […] The Black Church and Single Women: A Correlation? August 2010 5 comments 4 […]

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